The end of multi-tasking: a new mother’s monologue

As my dear husband will confirm, I am the Queen of Multi-Tasking. Not only am I good at it, I actually thrive on it. Unless I have ten jobs with tight deadlines hanging over my head, I’m bored. My husband admittedly can’t do two things at once (don’t even try talking to him when the TV is on, and when Liverpool is playing – forget it).

I’m the exact opposite. I’m one of those annoying people who has to-do lists all over the house — and when I do something outside of the list I write it down just so I can have the pleasure of crossing it off. I sense that I inherited these traits from my mother who plans Christmas dinner in July.

All of that changed five weeks ago when Per Christian joined the family. Now it’s a day-by-day existence where I plan one day in advance if I’m lucky. Yesterday, for example, was a 3pm deadline to make the train and visit Pappa at work. Tomorrow it’s a 12 noon deadline to (attempt to) get my hair cut. Today we might just make it to the shoe repair guy and the grocery store.

My multitasking prowess certainly comes in handy with these seemingly uncomplicated tasks. I can now successfully take care of an infant AND shower on a daily basis. I can also manage to get us both dressed in a relatively decent fashion and out the door at least once per day. And even now, I can manage to type here while Per Christian sleeps strapped to my chest in his baby carrier.

The surprising part – and one that I didn’t expect – is that I’m not complaining about any of it. As someone who was always focused on my next big project, I find myself actually giving over to being a Mom. This little meatloaf has so entirely captured my heart that each day feels like a triumph rather than a compromise. I’ve (temporarily) traded in my to-do lists for a diaper pail and a breast pump (but just to keep some perspective, you should know that there’s a bottle of champagne chillin’ in the fridge).

This feeling took a few weeks to develop, and during that time I often found myself resenting Per Christian and the changes he demanded in my life. Being a new parent is HARD, and not just in a sleepless-night kind of way. It’s the emotional stuff that really creeps up on you and takes you for a spin. Everyone warns you about that in advance, but you really have no idea until you’re tumbling down the rabbit hole first-hand.

Of course, I can’t say that I’m always 100% blissful in a Joan Cleaver kind of way, or that I’ve mastered parenthood and feel invincible. I doubt and question myself every day…. Am I feeding him too much? too often? not enough? Is he going to bed too late? too early? Are we too strict or too flexible? Will giving him a pacifier now reduce his chances of getting into Oxford in 20 years?

But trust me – once your boobs literally leak at the sound of your child crying, you know that life will never be the same again. The great part is finally accepting and embracing the change – THAT, my friends,  is when things start looking brighter in the Svendsen household.

Our Brady Bunch

And now for something completely different, a cultural reference lesson for the non-American readers among us…
 
“The Brady Bunch” was a very popular TV sitcom back in the early 70’s that portrayed the trials and tributions of a blended family from two separate marriages. Three girls on one side and three boys on the other, learning to live together over five years of predictable sitcom life.
 
” … There’s the story of a lovely lady with three very lovely girls… lalalala…. and a man named Brady with three boys of his own, this group formed a family and that’s how they all became the Brady bunch…. lalalala…
 
If this still doesn’t ring a bell, check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brady_bunch

Per and I have our own spin on the Brady bunch here in Oslo. Our amazing circle of friends has become our blended family in this first month of newborn bliss. (And by “bliss” I of course mean every emotion from tears of joy to tears of frustation…) With our much wiser and more experienced parents residing in faraway locales like Sri Lanka and South Carolina, our friends have stepped in to fill the gap. “Our friends are our family,” is a saying often repeated these past few weeks in the Svensend household.

Our friends have entertained us, fed us, walked with us, cleaned our floors and pushed our child around grocery stores ever since Day One. They have held Per Christian when mommy & pappa needed a break, and they have lavished so much love upon him that the poor child is miserable when his lackluster  parents are the only ones around. Per Christian already bears the typical Svendsen mark of never being able to miss a party – he refuses to sleep when there are visitors in the house for fear that he might miss one more cuddle or one exciting moment. Such is the Svendsen cross he’s born to bear….

So this post is an Ode of Joy to all our friends out there that have ushered Per Christian into being this first month. Thank you for caring for our newborn and his parents. Thank you for being our own personal Brady bunch family.

And now, some photos…. 

Parenting 101: Tumbling down the Rabbit Hole

In the world of Prosecco vs. Pampers, the diapers are winning. Yesterday was a Pampers day, no doubt about it. Today – kind of a bit of Prosecco, actually. And it all has to do with expectations.

The routine goes like this – wake up, change diaper, eat First Course, burp, check diaper, hang out w/ your adoring mummy & pappa (Per Christian apparently considers this step to be optional), eat Second Course, soothe via walking/lullaby/rocking, optional Dessert Course, sleep.

Repeat. And repeat….. and repeat.

Yesterday was initiation by fire, Alice down the rabbit hole. Tears were shed and prayers were offered up to dieties I didn’t even know existed. But today? Today’s okay because we’ve already been there, done that. We’re learning a bit more each day about reading Per Christian’s expressions and anticipating which of his four major needs (i.e. – eating, changing, sleeping, or luvin’) is going to come next. And he’s got a couple of real winning faces that we’re learning to gauge.

For example, the wrinkled forehead, wide-eyed questioning look (see Exhibit 1, left) that means either:

(1) “I think I recognize and trust you people gazing so fondly at me, but I’m not quite sure yet,” or
(2) “I’m going to majorly poop right now and you suckers are going to have to clean it up. Again. Ha!”

 

Also, the head-into-the shoulders burrowing look (which I’ve dubbed “The Turtle”) that means either:

(1) “I love you mummy & pappa and I’m snuggling in close to you for protection and comfort,” or
(2) “I’m getting uncomfortable and am going to scream for mysterious reasons within the next three seconds. Again. Ha!” 

Like I said – we’re getting CLOSER to figuring out his expressions, but we ain’t quite there yet.

But anyway, it’s always good to have an occasional Prosecco day in the midst of all the Pampers.

And now for adoring grandparents and Per Christian fans everywhere, here are some photos from Week 1 of the rabbit hole.

Naming The Melon

Per and I have had a few “unconventional” nicknames for our growing child over the past eight months. When we first learned of the pregnancy last summer, we followed a somewhat traditional path and called “it” the peanut. It made sense at the time as really that’s about all it was. In early pregnancy, when you don’t have a rounded belly or any other visible signs of impending parenthood, it’s hard to imagine anything larger than a peanut actually existing inside of you.

But as time progressed and I gradually felt my body being rudely taken over by aliens, it was harder to imagine the young thing as some miniature, harmless  snack food. There was definitely a new boss of the house and not necessarily one that I always enjoyed. Around the 12-week mark, in between nights of sickness and days of fatigue, I made a comment to Per that I had a communist dictator living inside of me. So, much to our parents’ bewilderment, we spontaeously renamed our cute little peanut as “Fidel.”

I mean no disrepect to communist dictators around the world, but the fact is that you share several strong traits with my growing son in vitro —- you always want your own way, you don’t feel the need to heed anyone’s requests, and you’re constantly trying to expand your territory at someone else’s expense. So Fidel he became, and so he has been ever since the 3rd or 4th month. (And yes – we’re already saving our money for Fidel’s inevitable counseling sessions.)

Recently, I’ve incorporated another nickname that I use quite frequently on this blog – The Melon. It’s an obvious name, as it’s clearly what I now have attached to my formerly-smooth stomach. But it’s also often used on my BabyBump iPhone application to illustrate Fidel’s week-by-week growth progress. For example:

Week 31 – 41.3 cm, size of four navel oranges
Week 33 – 43.2 cm, size of a pineapple
Week 34 – 45.1 cm, size of an average cantaloupe
Week 35 – 45.7 cm, size of a honeydew melon
Week 36 – 47.6cm, size of a crenshaw melon (what is that anyway?!?!)

Weeks 20-29 were more of the vegetable variety (spaghetti squash, cauliflower, chinese cabbage, butternut squash….), but apparently now I’m so big that the application developers had to switch food groups. (By the way – if you look up “melons” via Google images, you will find an amusing variety of non-fruit-related photographs. Just a little tip from me to you…)

Of course, this latest nickname will also soon be replaced in a few weeks when Peanut/Fidel/Melon is born. I promise you all that his parents will then give him a real name that can be used in public without fear of scorning or Amnesty protests. We’ve got our name selections narrowed down to a few final contenders, and there’s one in particular that currently stands above the rest. No devolving of information right now though – that will only become public in Fidel’s birth announcement to all his adoring fans.

One final note — thanks to everyone for your comments on the Svendsen Family Car! We finally made a decision and purchased a 2010 Ford Mondeo that was a showroom model and therefore souped-up with all the bells and whistles that men seem to need these days. For better or for worse, the Svendsens have decided to live in the Here & Now, purchasing the best we can afford at the time and letting the future unravel as it must. Our purchase was dutifully celebrated with the requisite taste of Prosecco (it was actually red wine from La Sada this time – one glass for Mommy & The Melon, the remaining 1/2 litre for Per).

37 weeks and counting!

The Svendsen family car decision

Like many soon-to-be parents in their 30’s, Per and I are confronting a difficult task these days… trading in our sleek little get-around-town car for a larger family wagon. The most dreaded task of all, the one that poignantly signifies that our single party lives are over and that Family Life (aka “Adulthood”) has begun.

We need something that can fit at least a car seat in the back, and most likely also the additions of stroller, diaper bags, toys, blankets and copious amounts of prosecco bottles. I suppose there’s also a baby in there somewhere but honestly what’s the difference? The point is that we need a new car, preferably before the Melon arrives at the end of March.

But unlike many new parents, we face a different lifestyle that makes confronting a car purchase more complex. We move about every 2-3 years (at our own choice) and will probably face another such move sometime before the end of 2011. So whatever car we get now, we’ll have to try and resell it sooner than most economists would consider efficient. I can just hear the world’s financial advisers crying in their sleep at the thought.

After several weeks of shopping around used car lots in Oslo, we find ourselves yet again at a crossroads. We have several potential offers, but they all boil down to the same typical Svendsen heart v.s. mind connundrum:

Option 1: Spend money for something we’ll really enjoy driving for a few months and most likely lose money on at the end; or

Option 2: Save money on a more practical option that will manage to get us from point A to B with the Melon and his assorted accessories.

Of course the Svendsen couple you know and love (i.e. the same people that consider the installation of a wine chiller in their nursery) are leaning towards Option 1. But the presence of said Adulthood parameters are forcing us to think twice.

Anyone out there want to weigh in on this one? Leave us some advice in the Comments section below and I’ll update you on the final outcome once it’s been made.

Boys vs. Girls

So we’re expecting a boy to arrive at the end of March (or so the ultrasound promises), a little Svendsen Jr. who I hope will take after his handsome father. It’s my own little contribution to world peace – adding one more  well-trained, tender-hearted Scandinavian to the list of eligible bachelors.

I actually love that we’re having a boy because I’m not a very “girlie” girl. I don’t melt at the sight of bows and ribbbons on little girls’ clothing and I don’t know what to do with all things pink. Even my husband wears more pink than I do and, trust me, he wears it well. I think miniature plaid shirts and denim jeans are much cuter, and I’m quite happy to buy crib sheets with trucks and trains and puppy dog tails on them, thank you very much.

(Besides all the above, I’ve also always secretly dreaded my mother’s threat of, “I hope you have one just like you!” So I feel like I’ve narrowly escaped something disastrous.) 

But if we were having a girl, I’d want her to look like this at eight days old…. you’d have to be made of stone not to melt at this sight:

On a separate note, I had a wonderful surprise baby shower thrown for me last weekend, complete with international visitors from London and Ireland. It was COLD here in Oslo, but everyone fearlessly gathered anyway to fill my weekend with happy tidings for the imminent arrival. Many thanks go out to my good friend Neda who organized all the festivities.

So while Per was out skiing in Austria with 10 other drunken Vikings, I got showered with massages, gifts and good girlfriends at home…. whichever scenario appeals to you more probably depends upon your gender, age and overall level of mental health.

A few photos from the baby shower are below, shamelessly pilfered from Mariah Hartman’s Facebook account. (Click any image for full-sized versions.)

Tomorrow Per and I go furniture shopping for the nursery – more updates and photos to come!