An unfortunate interlude, where I spend my days glaring at the neighbor…

Our neighbors in Arguineguin are pretty great, they really are. They’re a nice, older Norwegian couple who bought their house a few years ago and have renovated it just perfectly. They smile and wave whenever we meet on the street, and their helpful tips about where to buy furniture and plants are always most welcome.

(Note: My appreciation of the neighbors does NOT apply when I hear them splash into the wonderfully refreshing pool right outside their door. They have a pool and we don’t. I’m pouting….)

Anyway, these neighbors have a visitor this week. And – I just can’t help myself – I hate that skinny B***.

This visitor has my pre-baby body from the not-so-distant past. And she flaunts it just like I used to. You know exactly what I mean… she struts around their pool (I’m still pouting, by the way…), pretending she doesn’t notice how awesome she looks, subtly turning this way and that in her itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny bikini so everyone gets a perfect view. And don’t even GET ME STARTED on that belly ring that perfectly accents her flat abs and her youthful fitness.

Skinny B***.

It’s unreasonable, I know. But nevertheless, I find myself glaring at this innocent visitor on a daily basis, firing gamma-rays of fat cells from my eyeballs straight into her body.

I get so irrationally angry at the unfairness of it all – I’ve paid my dues, I’ve birthed my baby, I’ve put in the long hours of nursing and thankless hours of childcare. I’ve hit the roads and the gym and the weights and the zumba class (yes, that uncoordinated and clumsy person messing up your last zumba class was me, get over it already…)

But despite all this whining and crying and struggling, I will never look like she does again. The numbers on my scale are back at pre-baby levels, but there’s a bit more saggy roundness to my curves these days, and I would just as well do without them thankyouverymuch…. For better or for worse, I will now forever be one of those people on the beach that you look at and think, “Wow, she looks pretty good for a mom.”

There are people out there who say that we should embrace our new maternal bodies with all their bumps and bruises, and that we should flaunt our saggy boobs and stretch marks proudly like military medals of honor.

Yeah, right… like that’s gonna happen.

Instead, I find myself choosing clothes from my closet that subtly hide and conceal and camouflage. My Google Reader list of contents has shifted from websites like “9to5chic” to other sites like “AintNoMomJeans” and “FightingOffFrumpy.” And now – horror upon horrors! – I need a new bathing suit for our many beach days ahead. I’ve never dreaded anything quite so much in my life as the upcoming trials of bathing suit shopping.

And this B*** next door, she’s just rubbing it in.

Please please please stop splashing around in that wonderfully refreshing pool and GO HOME already! Or, at least, go eat a sandwich and let my gamma rays work their magic (yep, still pouting…).

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12 thoughts on “An unfortunate interlude, where I spend my days glaring at the neighbor…

  1. I love your honesty!:) Its funny! I think you look glamorus:) ALWAYS!
    We forgot to tell you and the other babysingers that we are going to London this weekend, so there will not be any babysong this friday. Please spread the word if you meet any babysinger:) Have a delicious week!

    • Glad you like the honesty, not everyone is always amused but it’s my blog so I get to write what I want. 🙂

      No problem about Friday, we also head off this week for a short skiing weekend with PC’s grandparents in France. Enjoy London!

  2. Yes my dear, and it gets worse after number two. Though I never had your figure, I do wish for my pre-baby body and know that even when I get to my pre-baby weight for the second time I’ll never look the same. Hurrah for great clothes to help us get by.

  3. You are too funny. I definitely miss those days. Lucy found some pictures the other day and one was of you and I in a hand-off. I totally got saddened by our little uniforms and the “butts” we ran around the track in. I thought how we will never wear those again.
    Good luck bathing suit shopping. Advice…go black and look for the super tummy sucking kind for your first one. I cried after I bought my first “mom suit.”

    • I know exactly the photo you’re talking about! Per thought my arms looked crazy scary and i thought, “Who cares about arms?! Look at those abs!” 🙂

      So yes, sadly, our butt-hugger days have passed…

  4. Hey. I just have to say, what a great blog! I love it! I went to Uni with Per in Eastbourne and started reading your blog when he posted the link on his Facebook page. And hear, hear to this post! I gave birth to a baby boy in Dec, and am not looking forward to the beach this Summer either..
    Charlotte in London

    • Hi Charlotte! Thanks for following along, it’s always nice to have a fellow reader who understands all the ups and downs of mommy-hood. Your baby boy is entering the best time of all, so much fun at that age!

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