Mission for the day:
1. Leave house
2. Buy new jeans
3. Buy sugar
Plan of attack:
12.00 Wake, feed and dress PC
12.15 Depart home
14.00 Return home
What happened in reality:
11.30 Baby starts stirring in bed. Mommy gets herself dressed and food packed so everyone’s ready to leave.
11.40 Baby wakes, is dressed for the day and hangs out a bit with Mommy.
11.45 Baby spits up apple-avocado breakfast on his clothes.
Oh s***… Maybe damage isn’t too bad. I think we can get away without another costume change.
12.00 Baby gets his bottle (see here for why we’re not breastfeeding anymore).
Baby doesn’t burp, decides instead to vomit all over Mommy.
Oh s***. Can’t go out like this. Mommy rushes to change clothes while PC chills in the crib.
12.05 Mommy is dressed and ready to go again.
Baby is dressed in hat and coat (amid piercing screams on his part).
Unmistakable smell of dirty diaper-ness reaches Mommy’s nose.
Oh s***. Can’t take him out like this. Might as well change his apple-avocado pants while we’re at it.
12.10 Diaper off but trashcan out of liners.
Mommy replaces liners while Baby chills on the changing table (diaper-less)
Mommy feels drops of liquid on her head, looks up, receives well-placed shot of baby urine in the eyeball.
Oh s***. Are you kidding me?!?!
12.15 Mommy dries off face, hair and changing table, takes a deep breath and wishes Pappa weren’t out of town.
12.20 Diaper pail re-lined, Baby re-diapered and re-dressed in non-apple-avocado-covered pants.
12.30 Assorted keys, phones, wallets, food containers, bottles, burp cloths and other baby paraphernalia gathered. We’re out the door.
Oh s***. It’s raining. How did I not know that?!
12.32 Family returns inside for stroller’s rain cover. Cover attached and we’re out the door again.
Comedy of errors continued throughout the day, leaving mother and son to return home at 14.00 without either the jeans or the sugar in hand.